Changing with the Leaves...

I've managed to steal a moment to write a new post and let me tell you, moments to steal are few and far between here at our home.  The kids, Chad and I have spent the last 10 weeks getting acclimated to a new school year and when I say 10 weeks, yes, 10 weeks.  Some would say, "Why so long?"  and I might have to think about that! Change is why it has taken 10 weeks and I'm sure we're not completely done yet.  Although most won't admit it, change is not easy for most people.  It brings about unknowns and that uncomfortable feeling of starting over in some ways.  I made a choice to make a change this year and at first I wasn't so sure it was the right thing for me to do...but I'm confident now it was. I chose to take on a new teaching position and return to elementary to teach 5th grade.  I've spent the last 3 years teaching middle school and prior to that I taught elementary for several years in another district.  People even asked me if I was nuts. Rightfully so.  I made this choice to make this change because I am a firm believer that we become stagnate, stale and ineffective unless we make a conscious effort to better ourselves and embrace change when the opportunities are in front of us. Does that mean that what we embrace is easy? NO! Does that mean that in the effort to make ourselves a better, more effective person that we won't fall on our face along way? NO! I wasn't naive to think that my change wouldn't bring about more work, probably five times the work load I've had.  I was naive to think though that I wouldn't have to dig deep to see what this opportunity was really offering me. While I knew the reasons why I needed the change, I didn't fully understand what I was going to have to do personally to allow the change to make me a better person and ultimately a better teacher. So you are probably thinking...what's your point?
My point is this : don't be afraid to take chances and make a change in your life that could help you grow in ANYway, shape or form.  Embrace change when it presents itself and make it work for you.  I can honestly lay my head down at night and know that because of these last ten weeks...I'm a MUCH more effective, compassionate and enthusiastic teacher because I took that chance.  So...imagine what a full year will do! I hope that my desire to be a better teacher and better person will also rub off on those kids in my room..I've realized that our time together is short and matters more than probably anything else they have going in their lives right now.  It's important to love what you do and knowing that.... you need to understand that you will have days that you don't love, but that's o.k. too. It's part of the journey. Here's to the next 10!    

30 Years...

30 Years.  That's a long time. A lot happens in three decades.  30 years is how long my dad has been a firefighter.  Yesterday was the anniversary of his hiring with the Huntington Fire Department.  I remember the day he came home and told us he got the job.  He was SO excited.  I was 7 years old.  7 years old...wow. Jerid was only 3, Jessica was 16 months old and baby Sarah was still nestled comfortably inside mom's tummy.  My mom was beginning her second year of teaching at Lincoln Elementary....where I am about to begin teaching. :) My parents have the work ethic of horses.  They have always shown us and taught us that hard work and dedication to your profession are important.  They were also able to show us that all while giving 110% to their children.  It's amazing what they've accomplished while raising four children.  The older I've gotten, the more I appreciate all the things they've taught us.  As a kid and teenager I loved them, but didn't always appreciate the lessons they were trying to teach us.  I guess I'm not the only kid to have done that. :) I've met some pretty amazing people with the fire department as my dad has put in his 30 years. There are dozens of dedicated men serving this city.  What a lot of people don't realize is what these men sacrifice every time they walk out their door to head to work.  Each time they leave, they are going to a job that is extremely dangerous and at any time, could take them from their families.  The environmental exposures they face are dangerous.  They leave children behind as they head off to their commitment.  Each time they head to work they recommit themselves to the safety of this city and the well-being of others.  My dad not only committed himself to his profession of firefighting for 30 years, but he's also been committed to his family even more so.  He's taught and shown us a great deal of love, compassion and support. He's been a great husband, father, brother, son, uncle and an especially fantastic grandpa.  I'm proud of the way he handled adversity, especially when some were trying to pull the rug out from underneath the department.  He always puts others first. I'm proud of him for his 30 years of service and am thankful for that service. Congratulations dad! Thank you for always showing us what's important in life!!
Love you xoxoxoxo
Rach

13 Years

13 years ago today, my life changed forever.  Let me be clear, it was most definitely for the better! I was young, 23..just 6 days shy of my 24th birthday and I became a mom for the first time.  My son Matthew decided that after 30 plus hours, he would finally show his beautiful face.  Carrying Matthew for 9 months was difficult, he put me through the ringer for sure.  To top it off, he decided to stay put past my due date which was not fun in the summer. But he was well worth it. When I look back at the last 13 years with my son I am so grateful.  I'm grateful that God decided to allow me to be a mother to such a beautiful boy who I am most certain saved my life.  Having Matthew allowed me to grow in many ways and he was for sure my reason for living when I went through a divorce. He showed me that life is precious and worth enjoying every moment.  He taught me to appreciate all the moments we are blessed with such as snuggling, speaking first words and walking first steps. He was the one waiting for me with a smile and open arms when I got home from a long night of work and days of classes.  He was the one that allowed me to see what joy grandchildren bring to their grandparents.  Matthew and I had about 5 years where it was just the two of us. Those years weren't always easy as a single parent, but they were most definitely precious because he and I had each other.  I'm in awe of how quickly the last 13 years have gone.  I'm pretty sure I just gave birth to him not that long ago.  I love his heart and I love his compassion.  He is a wonderful brother and son.  I hit the jackpot when I became his mom.  We chose his name because Matthew means "Gift from God".  Without a doubt, he is truly a gift from God.  Happy Birthday Matthew James, I'm so proud of you and thankful I was chosen to be your mom. xoxoxo

Oh The Places You'll Go....

Good grief. Where did the last year go??? I've asked myself that so many times over the last month. I'm pretty sure I've blinked and it was gone. Tomorrow is the last day of another school year.  This one though is significant in a lot of different ways.  I've been fortunate to spend this year with my oldest, Matthew. I prayed hard a year ago last March when there was a chance I was going to lose my job.  I asked God to just give me one more year at Crestview, so I could have that year with Matthew.  It's not all the time that a teacher can have that year with their own child. It's a special time and if you ask any teacher that is a parent, they will tell you that very same thing. God answered my prayers and allowed me to have this special time. I'm thankful.  He's changed so much over the last year.  Watching him grow, (very quickly) has been such a joy.  It's also been hard.  I'm pretty sure it was just a few months ago that I was exhausted after 30 plus hours of labor and he'd finally decided to show up.  Now, after tomorrow he will be a 7th grader. He has such great goals for himself.  When he talks to me about them,  I realize what a great, level-headed kid I've raised. I cannot believe that in just six short years, he will be finishing high school and taking off for college. There was a time when it was just Matthew and I.  We had about 5 years after his dad and I divorced where it was just the two of us.  Even though it was difficult because I was working, going to school full time and I was also a single parent, it was a time in my life I will always cherish.  Matthew and I are very close and I know those years together just solidified our bond.  He is a wonderful big brother and to watch him with his siblings is so sweet, he's so good with them. I am SO lucky that God gave him to me. He will continue to do great things. Tomorrow will be hard watching him move on.....
My Drewy is going to be a kindergartner after tomorrow.  Again, I'm pretty sure I just gave birth to that huge head of his a few months ago. Drew has the best personality.  He has ALWAYS been a happy kid and people tell us that all the time.  Two years ago we made the decision to place him in preschool at Lincoln.  It was a hard decision to make, but it was one of the best things we could have done for him.  Drew has faced some challenges but has overcome them in huge strides these last two years.  He continues to work hard and has a wonderful support system at school.  Placing him in Lincoln's preschool was such a blessing.  The teachers and staff there are rock stars.  Lincoln catches a bad rap at times, which irritates me, but those people do some pretty amazing work over there and I'll sing their praises until pigs fly.  He loves school.  He loves his teachers and he honestly doesn't know a stranger.  Drew doesn't judge others, he will talk to anyone with a set of ears.  I love that innocent part of this age.  I would never have imagined he would be where he is, two years ago.  God has truly blessed us with the people that have been in Drew's life these last few years.
My boys are my rock.  They give me unconditional love and provide me with such joy everyday.  To say that I'm blessed is a huge understatement.
So....be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting...So get on your way!
Oh The Places You'll Go.....

Icing on the Cake

I remember my parents always talking about how fast the time goes when you have kids.  I never really understood or gave that much thought until I had children of my own.  Each time we celebrate one of our kids' birthdays, it's bittersweet.  It's a celebration of the day God blessed us with each one of them, but it's also hard for me because they are growing up so incredibly fast. I'm that mom that will cry as we sing happy birthday.  For me, the last two years have been the quickest of my life.  Two years ago tomorrow we welcomed our baby girl into the world.  I remember so clearly how I felt two years ago tonight....wondering what she would look like, how big would she really be and what we would decide to name her?  I am so thankful God gave me two boys before our baby girl...they are wonderful with their sister and will be great protectors for her.  When I put her to bed tonight, I quickly realized it would be the last time I put my ONE year old to bed...another bittersweet moment.  She has brought such joy to our lives. One of my great friends says you will love each age/milestone that your children reach.  She is so right. I'm probably more sentimental/sappy now because she is my last baby. We had a garage sale last weekend and I cried over giving up so many of their baby items. It's hard to let go of those special pieces.  As we prepare to celebrate her birthday, I realized one statement summarizes our Baby Kate.  She is THE icing on our cake of life.  What a wonderful blessing and joy she is and I thank God everyday for bringing her into our lives.  Happy Birthday Katherine Danielle Harshman!!! xoxoxoxo

Partaaaaaaaaaay.

Well we survived.  All five of us were happy participants for my sister-in--law's wedding.  We mastered the art of not only getting all five of us ready, and looking good, but we were on time, early even.  Those that know me know that is an act of God.
It was a beautiful ceremony, beautiful day and an amazing time with friends we just don't see enough.  Chad and I talked a great deal about how much we miss them and want to make a conscious effort to spend more time together with them.  My parents helped us all weekend and even kept the kids overnight so Chad and I could have a much needed evening together, alone.  My parents are amazing grandparents to our children, we are very blessed. The kids looked great, Chad looked great and I felt good about our efforts to clean up! ;) Matthew looked so grown up in his tux.....I enjoy him everyday and so wish I could put him in a bubble and keep him away from girls.  I know that can't happen, but a mom could dream right? Kate walked down the aisle with me which was sweet and something that I will always remember. She was supposed to go down with the other kids, but didn't want to leave me, so we walked together.  And our Drew did such an amazing job as ring bearer bringing his flower girl down the aisle. He was so handsome and showed us that he too is growing up too quickly.  
Without further ado....here are some snapshots from our wonderful weekend with friends and family.  Oh yeah, CONGRATS to Heather and Turk!! Thank you for letting us be part of your special day, I think we would all agree the stress is well worth it!! ;)xoxoxoxo

Lost and Found

The title of this entry really encompasses so many things, but after the day I've had, I can find good and bad in both terms.  As of late, I've made a conscious effort to try to find the good in all things, situations and people because it really does put life into perspective.  It helps me set aside the petty things that would normally irritate me, and allows me to open my heart and mind to other things. In all of our lives, we all have things we've lost and we've all had things we've found.  My day today has brought a great deal to the surface.
Here are some things that I've lost, both good and bad.
This morning, thanks to a state trooper, and my 10 mile an hour over the speeding limit, going with the flow of traffic foot,  I've lost $150 from my wallet due to a speeding ticket by 7:15 a.m. Thanks buddy. Later on this morning, I was asked to join a meeting with my boss and the superintendent who presented me with a RIF (reduction in force) notice.  For anyone who doesn't understand that, think pink slip.  A sign of the times. So as of June 1st, I'm out of a job unless the board makes some cuts elsewhere. So two losses that make me very happy to say goodbye to April 20th.
Now, onto a good loss.  I don't share this unless I'm asked, but today I'm just putting this out there because on the spectrum of losses, I'll take this one for sure.  I've been overweight most of my mid-20's and throughout this last year and a half.  15 months ago, I began a focused effort on loosing not only the "baby" weight, but also those extra pounds that showed up on my backside.  To date I've lost 94 pounds.  Yep, 94.  Hot damn. I set three goals for myself and I'm within 12 pounds of the first goal. Definitely the hardest thing I've ever done.  Getting divorced was easier.  Really, it was.
Let's move to finding things.  What have I found as of late?  A new relationship with God.  When I've prayed for answers and prayed for comfort, he provides.  I joined St. Peter's and Paul's parish this year which has been immensely rewarding.  My brother teaches the RCIA classes one must take to go through this process.  So not only do I have a deeper understanding of what living life as a Christian really means, but I also grew closer in my relationship with my brother going through this process.  I thank God everyday for the blessings I've been given with this new opportunity.
One final find for now.... loosing my jobs means a lot of things and I'm a true believer in everything happening for a reason.  I know I'll land on my feet.  I am finding that having new found "time" at home with my children will be an opportunity that brings about great blessings. I've always wanted to have an opportunity to be a stay at home mom...this just might be my opportunity, so again.....I've been blessed. My oldest son attends the school I currently teach at and I've had him on my team.  I asked the Lord to give me a year with him at middle school and then whatever happens after that, I would openly accept.  The Lord gave me this past year with my Matthew and for that I will be forever grateful.  What a special time for us.  I will miss being with him every day at school, but maybe it's time for me to be with his younger siblings during the day. He's off to a wonderful start and I work with some amazing people that I KNOW will take care of my son.
So in this life box of lost and found, I have found many things to be grateful for and to that I say thank you to the good Lord.

Peace and pickles,
R  

Indiana Stinks

I am thrilled to say we not only made it home alive from our trip to Florida, but we brought home some great memories.  My parents purchased plane tickets for all of us, including my siblings and their families to travel to Florida to spend time together and visit with my grandfather who broke his hip a few weeks ago.  Grandpa has a wonderful friend, Carol, who graciously offered her home to us since all of us together are an army and we couldn't all fit in grandpa's house for the week.  We flew out late Wednesday night after a long day at work and with the misconception that maybe, just maybe, the kids would sleep on the plane. I'm basically referring to Kate, but was also hoping for Drew.  Speaking of Drew, the poor guy's ear drum ruptured for the second time in a month right before we left, so being the stellar mom that I am, I asked the Dr. if drugging him for the plane ride was o.k.  He gave me the thumbs up and a few suggestions about what to give him to help him forget that his ear had imploded. I love our Dr. So after stripping down and lining up like prisoners to go through security at the airport, which is something I could write a whole other entry about, we made it through security and to our gate in time.  Again, impressive. The flight attendants were angels and we got off to a decent start.  The last 40 minutes though, we were THOSE people.  The people with the screaming kid. Kate lost her marbles. She screamed at the top of her lungs for the last 35 minutes of the flight, and 15 min into it I desperately had Chad take her to the bathroom and lock the door. I felt horrible for those that sat close to us and she was just exhausted and fighting sleep.  Low and behold though, 5 minutes before landing, she fell asleep in the bathroom with her dad holding her. Nice. 

We drove several hours and finally made it to grandpa's at 3 in the morning. What a long day.  I realized as we arrived at grandpa's that I had not been to that house since I made a last minute, 24 hour trip to visit grandma right before she passed away.  That was over 5 years ago. As tired as I was, I woke up quickly as I saw the different parts of the house again and also saw the chair grandma sat in when I told her goodbye for the last time.  I was in the throws of student teaching in January of 2005 when grandma's health began to decline. She had Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. She lived with it so gracefully for so many years.  We knew it wouldn't be long, she had fought cancer so bravely and had gone into remission several times over a decade.  The last time the cancer returned though it went to her pancreas and there would be no remission this time. She never complained.  We knew she was in pain, but she never acted as though she was and always smiled. I was overwhelmed with a sadness that I kept to myself, because everyone else was sleeping and so very tired.  I took an early morning Saturday flight to Florida to see her that weekend in January. I stayed overnight and flew back Sunday because I had to student teach Monday.   I was pregnant with Drew at the time and had no idea I was.  I often wonder if Grandma knew even though she was in heaven.  I hope she did. I remembered so vividly kneeling in front of her as she sat in her chair and telling her I had to go back home, but that I was proud of her and loved her so much. I told her that we didn't need to say goodbye, but see you later. I told her I was so very sorry I couldn't stay longer, but as always, she said that the kids needed me at school and I had a job to do.  She told me not to be sad, that she would be o.k. All of this with tears flowing down our faces knowing we wouldn't see each other again for awhile. She was gone not long after I left.  These memories were so vivid as I returned to their house in Florida. I was mad at myself for waiting so long to return. It was time to make new memories there.  

Grandpa was still not home, he had an infection from the surgery and they had to keep him.  He was not cooperative either.  He kept calling Carol and telling her that they weren't giving him his meds, OT was too painful, etc.  My dad had to have a rather stern talk with him about his behavior and about cooperating. Basically it was, do what you're told, quit being difficult and you can come home.  We went to see him several times and we celebrated his birthday before we left.  I knew how much he hated being there and wanted to come home. We spent several gorgeous days at the beach.  I laughed with my sisters as we discussed the life of a beach bum and how we would gladly assume that role.  Our kids played in the sand and ocean all day.  Matt was great at body surfing and using the boogie board.  My nephews LOVED the beach and Kate took up eating sand. Yep, eating it. I just knew I'd be finding sand in her diaper for weeks to come. We also found sand in places we didn't know sand could be found.  I'll take it though, it meant good times at the beach with family. 

We had a great time. The last couple of days, Chad and I left to take the kids to Disney.  It was hard to leave the rest of the family. I felt torn, but I also knew this was the last time that all three of my kids would enjoy Disney, like kids enjoy Disney.  Matthew will be 13 this summer, his days of standing in line willingly to see characters are coming to an end quickly. Drew loves it so much right now, but I know that his excitement won't be like that forever and Kate was just old enough to enjoy it.  So for that reason, I felt it was important for us to do Disney for a couple of days together. And boy did we. Several bloody blisters, puffy eyes and sunburns later....we've got tons of great memories and hundreds of pictures to bring back home. Matt and I rode Space Mountain several times together and he gladly introduced me to Aerosmith's Rockin' Roller Coaster which makes me so proud since I'm a huge Aero fan. He and I like a lot of the same things.  He also still hugs me and pokes me around other people as we wait in line which I love. I know that probably won't last much longer. Drew was great about waiting in long lines to meet his favorite Disney characters and to ride great rides.  He LOVED posing for pictures. The kid is a ham for sure. He has the best personality. We had a special meeting with his bestie while there, they happened to be close so Drew and Chaser met up in Magic Kingdom. It was special for sure. How great that friends can experience that together!  And my spitfire Katie taught us patience, in the speedy form. We got creative about what to do while waiting in lines with her.  We have it down so well now, now that we've left. It was great seeing her take in Mickey for the first time, she loved him.  And all the boys were great about waiting in line to see a princess.  Of course it was just as much for me as it was for Kate, but they were truly great sports. 

Speaking of having it down, we had a plan for getting through security more efficiently on the way home and prayed for a quiet flight.  The good Lord listened.  Kate slept the whole way home.  Thank you Jesus.  

We are already talking about next year and how we so appreciate my parents for giving us such a great gift of time with family in a warm, sunny, beautiful place. Which leads me to the title of this blog entry....I know that I would not appreciate it if I lived there all the time, but, being back in this gloomy, cold, rainy weather stinks.  Therefore I conclude that : Indiana stinks.  

We are so blessed to have had this past week together, I am so, so grateful. 

Thanks mom and dad. Love you. 

One of those days...

Today was one of those days when I stepped back from the madness of cars not starting, kids not listening and hours of time I needed desperately, disappearing before my eyes, and realized all over again that all of those things do not matter. We all get caught up in our day to day routines and let little things consume our energy.  I chose to be a teacher because I truly love children and love making a difference in their lives.  Most days, it's a thankless job.  Some of our students hate us, some parents talk about us in public like we do nothing but destroy their children and our bosses are bombarded with blankets of instructions to pass down to us because it's the next best thing to do. I am lucky to have two great bosses. They balance our building well and they want everyone to be happy.  They too get yelled at for reasons that would make most people's jaws drop. It's just the nature of the beast of education.
So why write about these things?  Because in the grand scheme of life, it doesn't matter. The little annoying things just don't matter.   I've watched friends lose children, spouses and parents.  All unexpectedly.  I've watched friends be diagnosed with cancer and I've helped deliver babies that never got to go home with their parents. (I spent 10 years working in the medical field).   I survived a divorce at 24 years of age and spent half a decade being a single parent to a child I'm convinced saved my life.  Cherishing each moment with what and who we have is what matters because none of us really know when our time is up.  I put all the crap aside today and once again was slapped in the face with what does matter.  Thank the good LORD for that and for today being one of those days.....
Peace and pickles -
Rachael

Way back when...

Dear Lord, 
We thank you for this food
for milk and water too
help us to be most kind and good in everything we do. 
Amen. 


This is the prayer we used to say everyday at meal times while growing up.  Jessica and Sarah, my sisters, used to say, "Abusta be" for the help us to be line....which we still laugh about today. 


We created a book for my parents for Christmas last year and the title was "For Milk and Water Too"...... we took it from our dinner prayers.  It brought a great deal of joy to all of us in creating it and immense joy to my parents when they received it.  That line has been with our family for years...what could be a better title for my blog?  Absolutely nothing.